


What would I do if I Lost You

by Jayne_hats_are_cool



Series: Canto del Río [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-01-13 10:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1222465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayne_hats_are_cool/pseuds/Jayne_hats_are_cool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a cup of angst<br/>and a dash of fluff<br/>_______________________________________________________________________________________________</p><p>"I cant do this anymore!" River shouted as she ran into her private room on the TARDIS.</p><p>"River! River I'm sorry!" The Doctor called after her, running down the hall. She stormed out of her room, slamming the door, a suitcase in her grasp. It had only been thirty seconds, had she just had that at hand?</p><p>"River please! Don't go!"<br/>_______________________________________________________________________________________________<br/>Mature for future chapters</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye

"I cant do this anymore!" River shouted as she ran into her private room on the TARDIS.

"River! River I'm sorry!" The Doctor called after her, running down the hall. She stormed out of her room, slamming the door, a suitcase in her grasp. It had only been thirty seconds, had she just had that at hand?

"River please! Don't go!" River turned to face him and leaned against the console.

"Why do you do this? why do you just pop in and out of my life without warning to tell me about all the women you've hooked up with while i wasn't around? Clara, Elizabeth the First, Marilyn Monroe, all the women you've slept with for the past what? three years for you? Your just a complete dunce who thinks your the smartest man in the universe, I'm wasting my time with you, do you know how many men i could have slept with by now if if i hadn't come to be with you? but i didn't, i stayed in every night at my flat and walked away whenever a man flirted with me, and do you know why? because we're married!"

"and I'm increasingly regretting it by the second." The Doctor mumbled under his breath.

"that's it, I'm leaving." River said, standing up and walking to the door.

"No River wait! Please! I'm sorry!" and with that River slammed the door in his face. "please." The Doctor whispered against the door, he sunk down the the ground, continually mumbling pleadings and 'I'm sorrys', tears beginning to roll down his high cheekbones, dripping onto his bow tie. He knew, that River wouldn't be coming back, not for a very long time, not until she needed him.


	2. Regretting It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, What do I do now Old Girl." The Doctor mumbled, his head resting against the Time Rotor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, Ive had alot going on.

The Doctor swung on the swing underneath the glass floors of the TARDIS. He was fiddling with wires and plugging them into random sockets to see what they would do, he just needed to distract himself for a while.

"How could i have been that stupid?" he asked, looking around. the TARDIS gave a agreeable hum and what The Doctor believed was a snort. "Ugh, tell me about it. I just thought, haha, honestly, I don't know what i was thinking." he walked up the stairs to the time rotor, following its curves and touching each lever and switch with a tender hand before resting his head up against the time rotor a tear slipping out of his right eye and dropping onto the blue stabilizers, that caused a flood to erupt. "What do I do Old Girl?" he asked, trying to wipe at the salty drops on his cheeks. Suddenly the TARDIS started rocking and shaking.

"Oh, so were gonna do this then?" he smiled. The Doctor loved when the TARDIS took control. There was the wheezing and then she was landed. He rushed out of the doors to find himself in front of a cafe. Assuming River would be inside he pushed open the doors and looked around the store. 

In the corner there was a familiar man with that amazing hair that The Doctor missed so much. One glance upwards from the man confirmed it. 

He nodded to his tenth regeneration and the man nodded back. The Doctor, the 11th regeneration at least went to the counter to order. After receiving his tea he turned, nearly running into someone and dropping the cup. A distinctly cockney voice came back at his, shouting at him for nearly ruining her blouse. He laughed and bent to pick it up. He thought he had run out of tears, apparently not, for when he stood up and faced Donna Noble he had become a waterworks.

"hey?" she asked, suddenly concerned for him. "listen I'm sorry I shouldn't have shouted at you like that, my gramps is always telling me that i cant make the world a better place just by shouting at it, i have a bad habit. again, sorry." 

"no no," he laughed, "its fine, its just," he hadn't realized how similar Donna and River were, "you remind me of someone."

"ooohhhh, who's this? A Lady" Donna had always been so nosy.

"Haha yes."

She must have noticed the sadness in his voice. "Oh... oh I'm sorry, i didn't realize, how... how long ago?"

"Yesterday."

"oh... oh my god, i guess i figured you would still be in mourning."

"What? oh no! no my wife isn't dead- i mean, yes she is but... No! no no no, no she's fine, she just... left."

"Oh, Why?"

And before he knew it he was telling Donna all about it, calling her Melody of course. Donna laughed at how stupid he had been, and he laughed at himself too. But he also told her about their other adventures, everything from The Pandorica to The Silence, all the wonderful trips they'd had, even the ones without aliens trying to kill them. And Donna nodded and "aaaaaawwwwww"ed and even giggled sometimes, something he had never heard from her before, it felt so good to talk to her again. Even though he knew he was just giving her one more happy memory she would end up loosing in the end. But he was selfish, he wanted to have this, this chance to talk to her and laugh at her jokes, to tell her bloody amazing she was, and to never forget it. He was selfish, and she told him so, after he told her about their latest fight.

"You selfish idiot!" she laughed, "You told your wife about your mistress? I would be shouting at you for cheating on your wife if it weren't so funny!" She pushed him from across the table, he glanced over at himself from across the cafe, he was reading, so much like his tenth self, so antisocial. "But... it sounds like she loves you alot, and it sounds like you love her alot, so you might still have a chance if you apologize, though from how you described her, i think she wont have any trouble moving on."

"You're right, thank you." he said smiling, she was right, he needed to apologize.

"hey, no problem-" she looked questioningly at him, "sorry I don't think I caught your name?"

"John... John Smith."

"Well John Smith, i better get back to my friend over there," she said nodding over to his tenth self, "Before he retreats into an imaginary universe." He laughed, god, he had missed this, but he had gotten one last run with Donna Noble.

"Yeah, Thanks for this."

"no problem, good luck with your Melody." she turned on her heel and began walking away.

"Oh, and Donna." He called, and she turned back to him, "I'm sorry." he said, gesturing to the slight tea stain on her blouse.

"Oh, no worries." and then she continued to walk away. He hadn't really been apologizing for the tea, he was apologizing for what was to come, it didn't matter though, she wouldn't remember it anyway.

As Donna walked away she didn't even question the fact that he knew her name, she just assumed it had come out during the conversation, she must have just forgotten.

The Doctor walked back to the TARDIS and went inside, flipping levers, pressing buttons and flicking switches.

"Thanks Old Girl, I needed that. Now, take me to River." He flipped one last lever and then the great wheezing was heard. He stepped out, but instead of finding his wife, he was confronted with his in-laws, sitting on a couch... smiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehheheheheheheheheheeeeeeeee


	3. Breaking the Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is at the Ponds and is distressed that River led the TARDIS there. In his greif he let's slip a few... Ahem... Key plot points.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is post-Manhattan by the way.

    "River stopped by here earlier," Amy said, once The Doctor had sunck down on the couch and put his head in his hands, "Doctor?"

     "Why would she do this?" was all he replied with.

     "Sorry... What?" Rory asked.

     "Why would she do this? Why would she bring me here?! After all that time it took to heal! She just throws me back?! What if I meet myself? Bet she didn't think of that!" The Doctor was shouting at the top of his lungs now.

     "River? Or the TARDIS?" Amy inquired, he hasn't been very clear.

     "I dont know! River I'm guessing!"

     "How could River have brought you here? I mean... if she's in the TARDIS then why isn't she coming out?" Amy took a sip of her tea.

     "Oh," The Doctor looked up, "when she was here she didn't tell you?"

     "Tell us what?" Rory had gone into the kitchen to get some food, fish fingers and custard, he decided that would be best. But now all that was left in the room was Amelia Pond and her imaginary friend.

     "We... got in a fight." The Doctor looked down.

     "What kind of fight? Aliens or domestic?"

     The Doctor sighed, "Domestic."

     "What did you do?"

     "Why do you assume I started it?!"

     "Did you?"

     "Yes."

     "See. So," Amy prompted, "what did you do?"

     "What did he do?" Rory reentered with a tray of fish fingers and custard.

     "Him and River got into a domestic." The Doctor made a chocking noise and looked up at Amy pleadingly.

     "I sweat if you've hurt her I'll-" Rory began closing in on The Doctor.

     "The sword! The sword! I know!" The Time Lord said, sinking into the sofa.

     "What did you do?" Rory growled through gritted teeth.

     "I- I told her I regretted our marriage, at least- that's what I think did it. But!" The Doctor pointed out, as Rory's face grew redder and redder, "I have been looking all over for her! I already ran into myself once trying to apologize!"

     "Do you?" Amy asked, "Regret it I mean. Do you regret it?"

     "Sometimes," The Doctor admitted, "when she let's her guard down, when she shows her pain. I feel like I caused that. I did... It's my fault."

     "You big idiot, how can it be your fault? You couldn't have stopped Kovarian."

     "I made her what she was, I made Kovarian tempted. I did terrible things that made it possible for them to brainwash her. I made her kill me and I got her locked up in Stormcage where the guards did god knows what to her. I delayed her dream of archeology, I didn't meet her in the right order, and then it killed her and that was all my fault!" He was crying now, hot salty tears falling from his eyes.

     "What? You- you killed her? How?" Rory had a concerned look in his eyes.

     "She was on an archeology expedition. Professor River Song. She called for me, and I showed up, but not  _ME,_ my 10th regeneration, I hadn't met her yet, her own husband had no idea who she was. 4,022 minds trapped in a compute and she set them free. But it killed her. And she was willing to die because she knew that I wasn't going to be there anymore. I killed her and I caused her pain and when I remember that... That's when I regret our marriage." The Doctor looked up at their faces, a mix of shock and sadness, "I'm sorry, I failed you as her parents... I failed her as her husband."

     Amy tackled him in a tight hug, crying into the nape of his neck. Rory came and sat down next o him, pulling the alien and his wife into a hug.

     "Wh- why are you being so kind to me?"

     "Raggedy man! You've been here for me since I was a child, trust me, it wasn't your fault, if anything, as long as you didn't force her, then River killed herself, she made a choice, between 4,022 people, or her."

     "Why are you ok with this?! Your daughter is dead!"

     "Doctor. If this happened during your 10th self, then she was dead before she was even born." Rory reasoned.

     "No!" The Doctor shouted, standing up, "No! Why are you ok with this?! Why are you being nice to me? I killed River! I killed your daughter! I killed billions of Time Lords, Cybermen, Daleks, and  **YOUR DAUGHTER!** I'm not your 'Raggedy Man' and I'm far from a doctor! I'm a monster!"

     He ran into the TARDIS and slammed the doors behind him. Amy and Rory looked at the dematerializing time machine as a head of curly blond hair dissapeared out of the front door,


	4. You Don't Really Have a Choice in the Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tiptoed to the other side of the four poster and saw his wife’s sleeping face, she had a frown across her lips and her brow furrowed, twitching, she was still awake. Tear streaks striped her cheeks. This was the same River, to one who had been running from him the entire day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end, i daresay, two more chapters?
> 
> Also, I use characters every chapter, but today I used lines, and although i kn ow that the BBC could sue basically everyone on this website, but they are so amazing and supportive of their fans that they wont, but i will say, I make no money off of this, and therefore, I am broke, and therefore, I wouldn't be able to afford it if they sued me. So no copyright infringement intended.

The Doctor entered the bedroom where he and River had slept together. Turning on the light he saw a lump underneath the blankets, he pulled out his sonic screwdriver and pointed it towards the bed. Then he saw them, the tangle of golden curls spread across the pillow. He stripped off his tweed, bowtie, and clothes, till he was left in his boxer shorts and an undershirt.

          He tiptoed to the other side of the four poster and saw his wife’s sleeping face, she had a frown across her lips and her brow furrowed, twitching, she was still awake. Tear streaks striped her cheeks. This was the same River, to one who had been running from him the entire day, He didn’t know why she came back, he didn’t deserve her, she was perfect, and he had lived for hundreds of thousands of years, plenty of time to develop quite a few faults. He snuck carefully between the sheets and pulled River into an embrace. He felt his chest getting wet and River was shaking.

          “Sshhh, River, what’s wrong?” He asked, stroking her hair out of her face so it wouldn’t get wet, it was frizzy when it was wet. Honestly, he loved her hair when it was all poufy like that, but River despised it, and she was upset enough already. She didn’t answer, just kept crying. “Listen, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I just thought,” he paused and sighed, “Oh, my beautiful Melody, I thought you would have been with someone else, I mean, let’s be honest, you could do so much better than me, so I figured I would need to compensate.”

She hit him, on the chest, it wasn’t hard, she was confined to a very small space and wasn’t really able to wind up. But The Doctor thought her grunting sounded faintly like ‘you sentimental idiot.’ He smiled and rubbed her back subconsciously, the calming feeling of her double heartbeat underneath his fingers sent him off into a deep sleep.

 

         

          He awoke from his dream, the same one he had had for the past 2,000 years, nearly every night. River was sitting in the chair with wires all around her, the metal crown atop her head, she sat up strait and gave of an air of determination; she looked like a queen.

          “Oh no no. What are you doing? That's my job!” The voice was coming from his direction, but he wasn’t able to control it. This was a fixed point in time.

          “Oh and I'm not allowed to have a career I suppose.” Always the snippy feminist, The Doctor laughed in his head, but instead of the chuckle, the voice of his last face came out,

          “Why am I handcuffed? Why do you even have handcuffs?”

          “Spoilers,” Her sultry and purely seductive words flowed from her lips in the form of gaseous sex, he would have laughed at that too if he weren’t nearly crying.

          “Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you—the real you, the future you, I mean—you turned up on my doorstep with a new haircut and a suit. You took me to Derillium. To see the Singing Towers. Oh, what a night that was. The towers sang, and you cried. You wouldn't tell me why but I suppose you knew it was time,” His nightmare of a flashback was thankfully cut short by the sound of a sob.

          One of his eyes cracked open to see River’s foot sticking out beyond the end of the bedframe,

          _Oh my god!_

         The Doctor thought,

          _What happened, if she- if she was hurt, Oh god, he didn’t know what he would do!_

          Bolting from the bed and around the edge to see her curled up against the foot board with her head in her hands. Going to her side and reaching out to lift her up, believing she was unconscious, The Doctor was met with his wife, the woman who he loved, who loved him, flinching away.

         “River! What’s wrong? What’s happened? Did someone do something to you? How did they get on the TARDIS?” She didn’t respond, only looked up at him with tears in her eyes, her age showing in the shadows in her eyes. “River, please,” The Doctor breathed, “Tell me what’s wrong, did someone hurt you? Did- did I hurt you? Who am I kidding, of course I hurt you, and I’m sorry, I really am so very sorry, but I can’t make it right if you don’t tell me how.”

          “It’s not that, I don’t care about you with other women, I know you, and I understand that you’re very difficult to resist, I mean, If I, a psychopath engineered to murder you fell in love, who couldn’t. And I understand that you need to be loved, that after the war, after you lost all those people, lost all that love, you’re afraid of losing anymore, I understand why you have to be with other women when I’m not around. And I’ve come to terms with that. But one thing that hurts, more than anything else, is that you don’t tell me things.”

         “But I did tell you. Didn’t I?”

          “This isn’t about Clara or Elizabeth the First!”

          “Then what is it about?”

          “It’s about the fact that you knew I was going to die but didn’t tell me! That I was right! The first time you meet me, the time when you don’t know me, _literally_ , kills me! You didn’t think that might be important?”

          “River-“

          “No! You are the same person who killed your only family! You liar! You- you abscess!”

          “River!” She stormed out of their bedroom and down the hall, slamming the door behind her, and The Doctor could swear that the TARDIS amplified the sound just to hurt his ears. How had she known? Who told her? What was he going to do? He half wished he had just finished the dream rather than waking up to this. But of course he didn’t, he had the image of River burning, her face twisted in pain, and the bright light of the data core boring holes in her from the inside out, he had it tattooed on the inside of his eyelids and he saw it every time he blinked. He didn’t need to see it one more time. That nightmare was why he almost never slept, why he spent his nights in the chair beneath the console, he only slept when River was there, feeling her next to him reminded him that she wasn’t dead yet, even if he didn’t know when Derillium coming, he knew that every night River was sleeping next to him, he had one more day.

          He shuffled through the hallway, still in what he had slept in. Listening for the distinct sound of his wife’s sobs. When he heard them from down the hall they caused his stomach to fall though the floor. It was a heart wrenching sound, causing tears to come to his eyes. He couldn’t stand it anymore, he had to stop her from crying, or he was sure he would explode. He opened the door to the room that it was coming from and shut the door like a child was sleeping, turning around he saw that this room was the worst room possible for this conversation. It was the Library.

          “I didn’t think you would dare come in here,” She said, the back of the Victorian era chair barely hiding her large hair.

          “There isn’t a single room in this TARDIS that I wouldn’t chase you into.”

          “Shut up,” She said it harshly, but hundreds of years let him detect the slight smile in her words.

          “Melody,” he began.

          “Don’t call me that.”

          “River. How did you know?”

          “I heard you, at Amy and Rory’s, I hadn’t left yet.”

          “You understand why I couldn’t tell you,” The Doctor said, taking careful steps to the chair.

           “I don’t care about spoilers, not now, not with this.”

           “I’m sorry River, there was nothing I could do, I- I did try, I saved you the only way I knew ho-“

          “You think this is about me?” she almost shouted, she was now standing up facing him and he was right in front of her.

          “Who else would it be about?” She looked at him with pain in her eyes that The Doctor only saw on one other face, when he looked in the mirror.

          “You,” she breathed, “I know that once I leave, and I will have to leave, you’re going to go park the TARDIS in some remote location and wait till you run out of your regenerations. But you can’t do that, you need to keep going, and keep saving, and keep running. If there’s anything I want you to do when I die, I want you to keep running.”

            “No.”

            “What?”

            “No, you won’t die. I won’t let you.”

            “It’s a fix point in time; you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

             “Time can be rewritten.”

             “Do you remember what happened the last time you said that?” River snipped

             “That time I wasn’t careful, I didn’t plan. But you and I are the smartest beings in the universe, we will find a way to rewrite time.”

             “Sweetie,” she looked at him like he was a child who was dreaming to big, “There is no way. Everybody knows that everybody dies, you of all people should have accepted it by now.”

             “No! No! We will do this! And if you won’t help me, then I’ll do it by myself! But I will not lose you! I woke up today, and I saw you at the foot of the bed and I swore that if anything had happened to you I would kill someone. I meant it, and I still do. So I’m sorry, but you’re not going to die in The Library, and I’m afraid you don’t really have a choice in the matter.”


	5. Time, Time, and Time Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is time finally catching up with The Doctor? Ooooooohhh!!! Mysterious!!!

       "Sweetie," River pleaded, standing in the doorway of The Doctor's study. He was bent over a large mess of tangled wires and screen displays, murmuring to himself in Gallifreyan. "You need to eat."

       "I can eat when you're not dead," he shouted, not looking up from his work.

       "How about," she suggested, "Instead of working out how not to kill me, you work on getting me out of the data core."

       "Impossible, already thought of that, you don't have a physical body anymore, you would be a mind without flesh to inhabit, lost forever."

       "Could you create a body?"

       "How would I do that?" he asked, now looking up over the pile of books on his desk.

       "Flesh?"

       "No, The Flesh are just avatars, we would still need you alive to control it, and there for wouldn't be able to get you into the main frame, which is vital in making sure not to disrupt the fixed point."

      "Teselecta?"

      "The data core needs biological memory space, if it's electronic it won't work, even if it were a perfect clone," he blinked, "oh! Clone!" he glance back down at his papers and began scribbling words.

      "We don't have the time," she said, "you would have to grow another me and raise said me in the exact same conditions as before."

      "Don't have the time? I'm the lord of time, we have plenty of it!" The Doctor exclaimed. River shook her head slowly.

      "I got an invitation yesterday from Strackman Lux of Lux Cooperation to accompany him on an expedition to The Library. Investigating it's hundred year silence. We don't have time."

      He was standing now and walking over to her.

      "How long till you leave?"

      "Two months. Wh- Why are you smiling?"

      "Because!" he giggled slightly, "I just thought of the perfect plan! I drop you off and once I've come up with how to fix this, I pick you up before the two months has passed!" he ran into the hallway and down to the control room. The Doctor pulled a couple levers and hung on to a bar as he prepared for a large shaking up in flight. When one did not come he looked up to see River at the controls.

      "Oh, do you have to take the fun out of everything?" he groaned.

      "That's my job sweetie," she quipped. As she began to walk out the doors The Doctor grabbed her by the wrist.

      "I will fix this, I promise."

      "I trust you completely," she said, staring into his eyes, a look of determination on her face,  _Never let him see the damage,_ of course she trusted him, but only to some extent. She knew well enough that his landing would be at least 3 weeks off the intended date, if not more. She only hoped 3 weeks from the intended date wasn't 3 weeks to late.

      "You don't think I'm some mad man in a big blue box?"

     "I trust you completely," He pulled her into a kiss, weaving his mouth through hers, trying to say goodbye without words; because he doubted his skills as much as she did. The Doctor, all though he would never admit it, knew he was terrible at piloting the TARDIS, and knew he had to accept the possibility that once he figured this out, he might aim for a week before she left, but could very well end up the hour after. So he was trying to make up for the goodbye they could very possibly never get to say.

     "I'll be back," he whispered against her lips.

     "I don't doubt it," she mumbled back.  _Only question is whether you'll be on time._ The unspoken words that followed Rivers pronouncement. Both of them thought it, but none of them dared speak it. They both knew; once you said it, or once you read it, there was no going back. _  
_

Melody Pond sauntered out of the time machine to the small flat in 51st century London. By then all the ice caps had melted and the sea had risen to the point where London wasn't in the same place anymore, it had to be moved further inland. But it was nearly the same. When she heard the TARDIS dematriralize, she realized, she had absolutely nothing to do. Then proceeded to go bored out of her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one, sorry, got another one coming up soon, sure to hurt your brains!!!!


	6. Better with Age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date Night!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you still read this, but my dear fiancé i added a tribute to us in here, see if you can spot it.

       When she heard a knock on the door two weeks after he had dropped her off, River rushed to the door with the hope that he had found some way to save her.

       "Dear?" he asked, handing her a bouquet of roses, he didn't take his eyes off of them even once they were in her hands.

       "I like the suit," she purred, "and the hair," he grinned and finally submitted to looking at her. The Doctor slipped into the small flat and began fingering the trinkets on her mantel.

       "What's the occasion?" River asked after placing the flowers in a vase.

       "I just thought it would be nice, a quiet night, dinner, Darillium."

       "Really? Darillium?" She sat down on the couch, she was excited, she'd been begging him to take her for years. she wanted to ask if this was a surprise celebration, if he had found a way to prevent her from entering the data core. But she couldn't just ask, she didn't know how early days this Doctor was.

       "Where are we?" she settled for instead.

       "Please River, no diaries, not tonight, can we just enjoy one night with out worrying about spoilers."

       "Of course sweetie," this made in difficult, no diaries, how would they know what they could and couldn't talk about?

       "Do you want to get dressed? We are on a scheduled," he joked.

       "Shut up, you have a time machine," River quipped, then made her way up the stairs to pick out a dress that would drive him mad.

       While she stood in the shower letting the water run down her back, River thought on the idea of a date without diaries, well, it would definitely be an interesting night. Just as she was stepping out of the water and toweling her hair dry, there were four quick knocks on the door.

       "River?" she heard her husband ask, "River are you alright in there? It's been 40 minutes."

       "Yes," she called out, "I'll be ready in a mo."

       When he had gone back downstairs she slipped on her mothers old bathrobe and walked from the bathroom to her bedroom. The robe still smelled like Amelia. Of course River had tried to go back to New York and visit, maybe get them out of there, but the paradoxes Rory had created had caused the time distortions to be so strong that she couldn't even get through with a vortex manipulator. It was possible to visit earlier versions of her parents, and she had a couple of times, but it was difficult to pinpoint the times when they would know who she was.

       Once she had applied her makeup and her hair had dried sufficiently she pulled out her silken emerald dress The Doctor had gotten her for her birthday. Then, adjusting her cleavage just so and slipping into her matching heels, River Song descended the stairs the stairs and into the living room, where The Doctor was sitting on the couch eating a plate of Jammy Dodgers and getting the crumbs everywhere.

       He looked up, "You look staggeringly beautiful," he said around the biscuits still in his mouth. She laughed and wiped some jam off of his chin.

       "So this dinner, I assume you have a reservation?" he nodded and grinned then sped out the door. He shoved the doors of the TARSIS open and made his way to the time rotor. River followed much slower and patted the ship sympathetically when she entered.

       "And how old is it?" she accused.

       "That's not important," The Doctor stated smugly, doing his dance around The TARDIS, River trailing behind fixing his mistakes.

       "Sweetie."

       "275 years," he mumbled quietly, "But! They say dinner reservations are like wine, they get better with age!"

      Then that wretched grinding noise began as the Old Girl left the vortex and began landing.

       "Fine, but can you please switch off the brakes? That noise is dreadful!" River shouted over the wheezing.

       The Doctor got an indignant look on his face, but then a sad one, and obliged. River wondered why.

       "Au voilà!" he said, pushing the doors of his time machine open with a flair. It was beautiful, there were strings of lanterns hung around a porch overlooking the purple sea of Ralfion 7. There was a single table for two in the middle of the patio with a white table cloth and with a few black callas dotting the arrangement. the rest of the flowers were scattered about the ground, casting shadows on the floor in the light of the orange setting sun. River's breath caught in her throat.

       "What did I say?" The Doctor whispered in her ear, "Better with age.

       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't expect people to, but if you want to tell me that Darillium already happened differently in "Last Night", I have heard rumors that that entire series of shorts has been removed from cannon, so I'm viewing it as open to interpretation.


	7. Useless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darillium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for having been a bit distracted these past weeks, but just this chapter and then we will get to the end!!! Then i can continue on Wretched Sound, Magic Bus. I have a really bad habit of trying to connect all my fics around a center point... I,m sorry... so now that you know that, if you read each, you can probably see where both of them are going. Anyway! Onward! Or should i say... Allos-y!

       The dinner was lovely. The Time Lord couple had excellent service, which was to be expected, as they were the only ones in the restaurant. River was able to get a rough idea where The Doctor was in their time lines.

       "How are your parents?" he asked her, after a particularly long pause had settled between them.

       She looked down at her food, "Dunno, haven't seen them in a while."

       The Doctor followed suit, "Right."

       That led to another pregnant pause, but River was now able to assume The Doctor was past Manhattan. It had been very difficult to hold a conversation up to that point, what with being completely unable to mention past experiences. She talked some about her recent archaeological expeditions, him about his adventures that he had gone on without her, but the conversation was extremely dull without the added spice of laughing at mutual acquaintances, or things the other had said when they last saw each other. It was quite like talking to a stranger. Because what makes someone a friend. It isn't just the shared interests. Or knowing some pet peeves. Its the shared memories, the remembrances of days past. And when you can't talk about those- what do you talk about? But after knowing an approximate of where he was, she could talk about simple things.

       Back in the TARDIS they were sitting together on the jump seat, The Doctor had his arms wrapped around River on his lap as the time machine silently made it's way though the vortex.

       "So," River prompted, "where to now?"

       "The Singing Towers," her husband replied, reaching behind him, "but first, this," in his hand was a small white rectangular box, a TARDIS blue ribbon tied in a frilly bow on the top.

       "Doctor!" she smacked his arm, "Really! What  _is_ the occasion?"

       "Isn't a husband allowed to pamper his wife every once in a while? Here," he handed her the gift and she slid the ribbon off of the box and opened it.

       "Oh!" she gasped, inside sat a sonic screwdriver. It appeared to be old, instead of the green tip that was on her Doctors, there was a dark blue orb. It had been worked on and had some bits and pieces sticking out, but the sentiment behind it remained the same. It was a sonic screwdriver, and it was hers.

       The Doctor repeated her thoughts again, as though making it official, "It used to be mine, but since I've got this one now, I thought you ought to have it. Maybe you can stop using that gun now."

       River pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, "Never, Sweetie."

       The TARDIS landed with a thud

       "Ah! Here we are!" The Doctor gathered up a blanket and grasped River by the hand, practically dragging her out into the chilled air of Darillium. As she stood, marveling at the shining pillars that stood before her, she heard a humming, it started low, but slowly worked its way into a tune. The Doctor placed out the blanket on the grass outside The TARDIS and gestured for River to join him.

       "Oh Doctor it's beautiful!" She sighed.

       "Just you wait till the towers start singing," he nearly giggled and bopped her on the tip of the nose, studying the way it made her nose scrunch up and the corners of her eyes crinkle. She would hate him for thinking things like that, but he loves her little wrinkles, the things that made this River  _this_ River, not some school girl at Luna or a prisoner at Stormcage. A Professor, his wife, he wished he had more time with her, of course he would always be able to pop back to a younger version and go on an adventure, but it would never be  _this_ River. And he couldn't help but feel he had betrayed her somehow, let her down by allowing her to go to The Library. His only hope was that an older version of him had found some way to save her, to stop all this, every star in this galaxy knew that he had tried, and constantly failed to come up with anything remotely useful, it was all useless to him. That's what he was to River, useless to her as a friend, a comerad, a protector, and useless mostly as her husband. He had been unable to give her peace, or a home life, no children to speak of, what with the lack of peace, and she had always wanted children as well, and he had been completely useless.

        His wife's gentel fingers on his face brought him out of his thoughts.

        "Sweetie? Are you alright? You're crying."

        "Oh! Yes, it appears that I am, music must just be getting to me," the towers had stopped their humming, and began serenading the planet is a sweet song, rocking the children to sleep, and bringing tears to The Doctors eyes.

        When they reached the inside of The TARDIS River pushed her husband up against the console and kissed him like the world was ending right there, and for him it was.

        "What would you like to do tonight sweetie?" She toyed, pulling at his bow tie while he stood there looking a bit flustered, bless him, never got over that bit. That night was one of the best nights River had ever had with The Doctor, which was good, because it was going to be her last. But she wouldn't know that. And as she stood at the window of her little flat, she prayed that another Doctor would burst though the door and tell her that no, she didn't have to go to The Library, and that he had found a way to stop it all. But that night, the house was silent, as River Song laid in bed, pretending to sleep.

        As The Doctor flew away in his TARDIS, one thought occupied his mind, it would not let go of him  it consumed his entire brain;  _useless._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be gone for a week for sure... But by then I should be getting a new work out soon and finishing this one so... That's good.


	8. Clever Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh... That's all I'm gonna say

       River suddenly found herself out of the darkness and in the middle of a grassy field in front of what appeared to be a hospital. Of course, this was the Data Core. Part of her wanted to forgive her husband for letting her die, he really couldn't have done much as his tenth self, he had been a bit- ahem- in deposed. But  _her_ Doctor could have done something, come to save her. Perhaps he had found a way to get her out of the Data Core, but she wouldn't count on it. Suddenly a small voice called out from behind her.

       "It's ok, you're safe. You'll always be safe here," River turned to see a young girl around 7 or 8 with chestnut hair speaking to her, "The Doctor fixed the Data Core, this is a good place now. But I was worried you might be lonely, so I brought you some friends. Aren't I a clever girl?" The small child was assisted by a tall buissnes like man who stood stiffly by her side.

       "Aren't we all?" River whipped around at the familiar voice to see what she had dared not hoped. 

       "Oh for heavens sake!" She mumbled to herself, running to hug all of her deceased colleagues, "He just can't do it can he? That man, that impossible man!"

       "We are so happy to have you here with us to stay!" The little girl, CAL, exclaimed, oh and how River loathed to tell the poor child, but staying wasn't exactly part of her plans.

       "I'm afraid I won't be able to stay, I'm going to find a way put of here, if it is the very last thing I do! Because that impossible man is still out there."

        "But he left you in here, surly he doesn't want you out there if he didn't try to get you out of here," Proper Dave spoke, a hand resting empathetically on her shoulder.

        Although a younger River would have never believed it, The Professor had no choice, he had a point. So instead she found another excuse to get out of what felt like just another prison to do time in, "If I cannot leave her to continue being a wife, that does not mean that I am of no use to society anymore. I have other jobs and duties, if not a wife, then I will leave to be a teacher,"  _But I refuse to stay prisoner in here, not again._ The words that got traped in her throat, probably for the better as none of her company knew she had been a murderer. Although CAL probably did, Charlotte had access to all of her Stormcage records. But this wasn't Stormcage, no, this was far worse, because she would not be pardoned of her sentence, if she was to get put from behind these cyber bars, then she would have to escape.

 

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THATS IT!!!!! This was the first work I ever published on the internet and I'm so glad that at least some people liked it... Now if you would like to read up on the future of the marriage then you can go read my work "Wretched Sound, Magic Bus" which was inspired by a tumblr post... Or you may consider this the end all be all and yeah... Anyways... THATNK YOU ALL FOR READING THIS!!!! I ENJOYED WRITING IT!!!! HOPE YOU ENJOYED MARVELLING AT THE TERRIBLE WORK I ENJOYED WORKING ON!!!! Goodbye... Sweeties.


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